I can’t watch Deal or No Deal. Not anymore. Not after last night.
Imagine you’re standing in front of an audience, next to a terrifying Howie Mandell. You call out a few numbers, some suitcases are opened, and eventually "The Banker" offers you $130,000. You can either take the $130,000 (deal) or keep playing for the chance to win $400,000 (no deal). You ask, logically, "what are my odds of winning that $400,000?" Howie tells you that there’s a 2 in 6 chance of winning $400,000. In fact, it’s far more likely you’ll walk away with less than $130,000. You think to yourself, "Why would I not take the certain $130,000? That’s a lot of money. And I didn’t have to do anything to get that money. My annual salary isn’t even close to that. I could pay off a mortgage, send a few people to college, or even take a year off work and travel." Your hand hovers over the red I’m-not-a-complete-idiot-I’ll-take-the-money" button….
And that’s when your mother, your cousin, and your five year old nephew start screaming "No DEAL!" Now bear in mind, it’s not their money. Whether you win $1 or $1,000,000, those people are going home with the same amount of money they walked in with. But you start to doubt your decision. And then you slam the cover over the button and (over the course of 10 painful minutes) proceed to whiz away your $130,000. After all is said and done, you leave the studio with $21,000 (before taxes). Why? Because YOU ARE A COMPLETE IDIOT.
And that’s why I’ve banned myself from Deal of No Deal. It’s not good for my health. No matter how loud I scream, the people on that show can’t hear me. I realize that now.
What does this have to do with the Cubs? Pretty much nothing.
But I do want to congratulate Greg Maddux on giving up one of the longest home runs I’ve ever seen last Saturday. After Jim Thome took him deep, WGN’s own Bob Brenly said "I think that ball hit the sun and bounced back." Yeah, pretty much.
Carlos Zambrano hit a double and laid down a bunt single yesterday. You know, like Corey Patterson used to do all the time.
I’ll wrap this up with another classic except from a Carrie Muskat article on Cubs.com. It tells Cubs fans that, even though the two pitchers that this team was built around are injured, again, everything will still be alright.
The Cubs have known that neither would be ready by Opening Day, yet are still optimistic heading into the season.
"Last year, you lose a couple key guys like we did and you never know," Cubs manager Dusty Baker said of the 2005 season in which the Cubs were without sluggers Moises Alou and Sammy Sosa. "We lost Mo and Sammy and you know you’re losing 50 to 60 home runs and some run production. You don’t know if you can replace that or not.
"Then you lose [Joe] Borowski [to injury] when the season started, we lost [Mike] Remlinger when the season started, we lost Prior when the season started," Baker said. "We lost [Todd] Walker early, we lost Nomar [Garciaparra] early. You start losing key people like that early, dude, you can’t help but feel apprehensive about things."
Not this year. On Wednesday, the Cubs optioned left-hander Rich Hill to Triple-A Iowa. They are leaning toward carrying 11 pitchers — including four starters. If that’s the case, the final decisions will be whether to keep Sean Marshall, John Koronka or Roberto Novoa.
Funny, that doesn’t sound optimistic.