Seriously, Give D Lee Whatever He Wants

I’m not ashamed to admit it. I watched the last three innings of Saturday’s game at The Cubby Bear. My ears, toes, fingers, and almost everything else froze around the time the first pitch crossed the plate. So I saw Michael Barrett and the great Derrek Lee defeat the Cardinals behind a solid Carlos Zambrano performance on Comcast instead of from the frozen confines of Wrigley Field.

Jacque Jones almost reached base today via the base hit. Almost. Okay, actually he did not. He struck out three times. He makes me long for Jose Hernandez. That’s how mediocre Jacque Jones is. When he swings, children cry and old women cover their eyes. I cannot believe he has a three year contract. The media guide should have a big picture of Jacque Jones taking a huge upper cut swing with the words "Get Used To It!" in big, bold letters.

Highlights from today’s game include a less than enthusiastic Dusty Baker making a half-hearted attempt to argue with the first base umpire, Carlos Zambrano completely losing his focus after an unearned run crossed the plate, and Jim Edmonds getting robbed by the wind again. Why do bad things always happen to metrosexual center fielders?

The Cubs looked like…well…the Cubs against Chris Carpenter. They struck out nine times against last year’s Cy Young Award winner. Jacque Jones along struck out 6 times. Or maybe it just seemed like he did. Did I mention he has a three year contract? Just checking. We traded Corey Patterson and then resigned an older, French-er version to a three year contract. Just awful.

So as soon as Carpenter left the game, the Cubs came alive. Into a stiff wind, both Michael Barrett and Derrek Lee homered to left field. Bob Howry and Ryan Dempster shut the door on the Cardinals for the second day in a row, and the Cubs put themselves in a position to sweep their rival with a win tomorrow night.

Can Sean Marshall replicate the performances of Greg Maddux and Carlos Zambrano when he takes the mound in a nationally televised game Sunday night? The answer, of course, is no. But if the unthinkable occurs and Marshall gets the job done, it will cap off an electric start to the 2006 season.

And finally, I’ve decided to track my major league hit total in 2006 against Le Corey Patterson’s. After five games, I have no hits. Luckily, I’m still tied with Le Corey. And the Cubs aren’t paying me $21 million over the next three years. THREE YEARS!

Go Cubs.

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